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[03 Oct 2007|03:17pm] |
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mood |
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 lonely |
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music |
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winners and losers - social distortion |
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have you ever wanted to say something to somebody but couldnt? for fear it would hurt them...im so full of all this....wondering...i know i feel differently than this person does. im somewhat stuck in the past. wondering what i did wrong. how much i miss those days. how i felt whole then. now i just feel like im pretending to be something im not. just lying to myself. i miss who i used to be, yeah i was fucked up all the time, but i was happier than i am now. i mean life right now, i couldnt ask for anything better, im with somebody who loves me, but i question my love to them. dont get me wrong i love them, but im afarid its on a different level. i guess im not used to being treated well. the sad thing is, id give it all up just to have it like it was before. why? because im an idiot, who wants that "family" image that i was once promised. but i know it couldnt never work.
everything reminds me of the past...music...places, people.....i dont wanna feel like this. i wish i could talk to one person in perticular, but i would never be able to. i feel like i lost not only the love of my life but my best friend, all at the same time. i know the relationship part had to come to an end, but i just wish i could have that person back as a friend.
ive been clean from meth for sometime now, but honestly i would go back to it. i know im a fool for saying that, and the happiness i felt while on it, was all fake.but at least i wouldnt feel like i do now.
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[28 Aug 2006|05:55pm] |
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mood |
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 bitchy |
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music |
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Frustration-Restarts |
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whatever man, im so sick of life and its crappiness that awaits me every fucking day. everyday its something new. everyday i shed tears, and what for? nothing that really matters. im so sick of people only being my friend because they know they can get something from me. im so sick of everyones selfish ignorance. i almost want to cut off all contact with people that i dont like. but if i did that id only talk to like a handful of people. another thing im getting real fucking sick of is spending money on things i dont need or even want, like spending dumb amounts of money on other people. like whatever, all i do is spend rediculous amounts of money on booze and drugs and then having to work my ass off for more money and having nothing to show for it, all because i waste my hard earned money on absolute crap. ONE night of what i guess i could call fun. is it worth it? in the long run, no. i dont mind spending money on my friends, dont get me wrong, its just thinking about how much money i spend on booze and drugs in a weekend, is fucking insane. like one night alone, we bought what like 300$ worth of blow, AND then booze.. like i can easily spend 500$ in a night. EASY! its rediculous, i could have my own place, i do, but a waaay nicer one, i couldve gone to england, i could do alot of shit.
SO, all in all, after this weekend, im really budgeting, seriously, no more of this 500$ in one night bullshit. i want something to show for the money i work for. i work 6 days a week, theres no reason i cant afford a nice place and have nice things.
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[03 Apr 2006|12:35pm] |
You’re so gorgeous I’ll do anything
I’ll kiss you from your feet
To where your head begins
You’re so perfect you’re so right as rain
You make me
Make me hungry again
Everything you do is irresistable
Everything you do is simply kissable
Why can’t I be you?
I’ll run around in circles
Til I run out of breath
I’ll eat you all up
Or I’ll just hug you to death
You’re so wonderful
Too good to be true
You make me
Make me hungry for you
Everything you do is simply delicate
Everything you do is quite angelicate
Why can’t I be you?
You turn my head when you turn around
You turn the whole world upside down
I’m smitten I’m bitten I’m hooked I’m cooked
I’m stuck like glue
You make me
Make me hungry for you
Everything you do is simply dreamy
Everything you do is quite delicious
Why can’t I be you?
Why can’t I be you?
Why can’t I be you?
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[02 Jan 2006|11:57am] |
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FIENDS ONLY
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